Ode to the Redneck Blossoms of Spring


You would be a redneck if:

 You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

 —Urban Dictionary

We have sprung forward, and the Spring Equinox has come and gone, but Spring is slow coming to upstate New York this year. And, a Nor’easter is predicted for midweek. Nevertheless, I have been vigilantly looking for signs–crocuses, daffodils, forsythia, anything–of Spring. In fact, the sun does feel different, and, despite the still freezing temperatures, the snow is melting. Slowly.

I walk my dog, Lily, the half mile down the road from our house to Lake Kenozia almost every day. And, I hear the water in the recently frozen stream cascading down the hill. But, still no crocuses, daffodils, or forsythia. Nothing. Except . . . the Redneck Blossoms:


Yesterday, I walked Lily with a garbage bag in hand to harvest . . . the Redneck Blossoms. With the receding snow, these hardy Buds have appeared like Spring Breakers in Daytona, blighting the roadside with their tacky—tinny—blooms. I planned to pick from both sides of the road, on my way down and back, but my bounty ran over with a full bag of blossoms from the walk down.

Budweiser, Coors, Busch, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and the occasional invasive species, Heineken. I harvest them all, and hope to nurture them from blossom to flower:

2013-09-23 15.30.25

I hope to have a bouquet soon, maybe to toss at a June Redneck Wedding.


10 thoughts on “Ode to the Redneck Blossoms of Spring

  1. I love that idea, turning litter into art! Never thought of it as ‘redneck blossoms’ (I think our British equivalent would be ‘chav blossoms’). Great theme by the way, very neat and easy to read.

    • Thanks so much Bret! As you can probably tell from the background of the “flower,” I actually made that one last summer! I have a garbage can full of cans–blossoms–waiting for their turn!

  2. What a creative and witty idea to create something beautiful from rubbish. Shame the people who leave junk all over the planet feel they have a right to do so! But your response is great! I might think of copying you in my very non-talented way. 🙂

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